The Diary of Kim Hawley aged 48 and a bit…actually quite a lot.

Lockdown Day … no 👀🦌

Supermarket outing. Attempt number 2. Having completed yesterday’s recon mission, had concluded that hunt for food should be scheduled for day break today. Catch the enemy unawares as it were. Battle preparations are key to successful tactical combat so took rations and comms gear. With my fully charged phone and portable cup of java I bid the family an emotional farewell. They knew it had to be done and they understood that I had to be the one to do it.

I arrived early. 0730 hours. My plan, though, was immediately blown out of the water….evidence was that the enemy had already arrived. Barely concealed combat vehicles. Everywhere. Then I saw them. Dozens of them lined up in formation, eyes forward. Resolute.

Unbelievable really. ASDA, I thought, would be a safe bet. I thought the average ASDA shopper would be a lover of a lie in. Incorrect. There were loads of them and the shop didn’t even open for another 30 minutes. I felt like a class A idiot to be fair but, as there were dozens in front of me, that made me less of a chump than they were, statistically speaking. Small victory.

Everyone was sporting PPE whether purchased or homemade. The array was quite impressive. Bandanas for face masks, jumpers over hands for gloves – all very creative. *that’s Personal Protective Equipment to you. PPE for short. Common parlance in this day and age alongside other expressions like “in this current climate” “unprecedented times” and words like “furlough” (look it up lazybones).

The queue entering was ridiculous, the queue waiting to enter an hour later whist I was exiting was, however, inconceivable. A good 90 minutes wait time if you were at the wrong end of that bad boy.

To say that these are unprecedented times is an understatement. I’ve just made small talk with a woman wearing a makeshift mask (a pillowcase at a guess) and a pair of washing up gloves and all I thought was that her hair was a nice colour.

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