How Very Dare You

The Rock (please refer to early posts if unfamiliar) The Rock is traumatised. Having popped to the doc for a little routine check up, the nurse nonchalantly informed him that he could probably do with losing a few pounds … 28 to be exact. Now I, personally speaking, would know if I’d put on that amount of heft (so would everyone else as I’d be sobbing, inconsolably, into my tub of Ben n Jerry’s) but men are, on the whole, a little more carefree, a little less judgey than their female counterparts. This news, however, has shaken Rock. Perhaps a combination of factors has prompted his angst: firstly that the nurse said it, out loud, to his face and, secondly, that it is, medically, factual*. The Rock has now started to back up into rooms shouting “wide vehicle reversing”. Rock never fails to make me laugh. *In case Rock actually reads this, I must state, for the record, that I don’t care about his alleged weight gain, as long as he’s happy, so am I.

This brought to mind a conversation the other day whereby I was described as “a really attractive older woman”. Horrified.

Tbh it was news to me that I was:

a. Considered a “woman” (never got to grips with that word)

b. That anyone would think that I fell into the bracket of “older”

The bearer of these tidings was around 25 though so I suppose it’s all relative. She, who is lovely btw (in case she is reading this… hopefully not with Rock), was totally chuffed to bits that she had delivered such a humdinger of a compliment – I’m still ruminating on it. Still feel like I’ve been handed one of those “wow, people with your shape can’t usually wear clothes like that” comments.

As a means to make sense of my new world (as a really attractive older woman) I told “next door” about it as we are the same age give or take a few years and though we could ruminate on it together – I was then though thoroughly trumped. Mr neighbour, I was told, went for a fresh new trim at the local hairdressers and, on paying, the jolly young barber, again, happy that he was about to be the bearer of such good news, stated that there was a discount available for OAPS.

Key to Ageing

Under 35 = young.

36 – 45 = eek what’s happening.

45 – 59 = powerful.

60 – 70 = older.

70 – 90 = old.

90 + = wow !!!

We will leave it there. I’ve done the math people.

By Kim Hawley

I’m a mum ... 48 years on our glorious planet and I have got some stuff to get of my chest!