Nothing To See Here

If you were to put the phrase “mid life crisis” into the search bar you will find, fundamentally, a bleak and rather depressing future ahead: apathy (life? yawn), jealousy (I want one of those), rashness (yay! now I have one of those), insomnia (Christ, OMG, OMG, did I really buy one of those?). We have that good ole stalwart; the broken vow not to mention a good dose of hypochondria where every ache is the dawn of arthritis and every lump a carcinoma ready to launch. We have weight gain, weight loss (hello? Who the hell did that ever happen to?) the list is endless. Oh, and just to cap it off, suicide made it onto the list too…..Forget Extinction Rebellion, if these lists are anything to go by, we will need to direct our younglings to focus their attention on their impending middle years rather than the end of the world as the former issue is not to sniffed at and will surely occur way before the ice caps melt.

Photo by James Wheeler on

Where “middle aged” was once just code for “old but just don’t know it”, this is my one woman crusade to carve out a little niche of cool from the rock of life. Lets break it down:

Teens to mid twenties – Still grappling with the concept of your basic life skills; stuck between “You only live once ” and “you only live once so best eat well, get lots of sleep and open a savings account else you’ll still be living at home when you’re 30”.

30 to 39 – Usually covered in baby sick and having play dates with people that you don’t actually like and have absolutely nothing in common with except the results of your procreation.

70 + Brain has assimilated and digested all the information from the previous 7 decades but now can’t figure out how to change channels on the new Smart TV or reach down to cut your own toe nails and breathe at the same time.

Photo by Genaro Servín on

So, that leaves my “now”, my opportunity, my little moment time when everything has clicked into place; this is my one woman crusade to undo the prejudices against the middle aged. Having just taken off my 48th ‘birthday girl’ badge I have decided that I’m going to embrace this time with as much gusto as I can muster. So, there is no crisis here, walk away, there’s nothing to see. I prefer to look at this juncture as a mid ‘life stock take’, perhaps a ‘life review‘…‘adulting appraisal’? (The “mid life” part, for starters, is incorrect; the average life expectancy for females in my family is 90 so I’m running a little late…ooops soz, my bad).

Me? From birth to 40, life galloped by like a gleaming thoroughbred Arabian: 2 children, 3 step children, 1 very failed marriage (yes, I know that’s not grammatically correct but I am merely trying to convey how bad it was), 1 unfailed marriage (ditto re the grammar but it went well with the first sentence), dozens of careers (I’m using the word career rather than job -it simply sounds more adultly)… and then what? Seen it, done it, got the proverbial t shirt. There is a popular, although possibly unconscious, decision to just throw in the towel, throw on a cable knit and book a place in bridge club, but not with me, no sir. I’m going for broke, throwing caution to the wind and going to be bff’s with my mid life review. Watch out people! Here I come…..

“My name is Kim and I’m having a mid life crisis”

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